Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Together we will find our destiny
Together we will search
All those years, looking
All those years, pointless
Why do I say it was pointless
Looking for it with you
I will give you the reason
My destiny...is you...
- Avril Lavigne
I donned my black T shirt and ran down to Lambton Quay when I heard the news. I couldn't believe it, why had no-one told me that this was happening in Wellington? There was no way I could miss this; Beyonce, Kelly, and that other chick no-one remembers gigging in Wellington! But what a fool I felt when I was confronted by not 6000 swaying R'nB fans but the sight of 6000 losers! I'd been duped! It was the Destiny Church, not Destiny's Child. Goddamn.
Still, I stuck around to see what all the fuss was about, and what a lot of fuss it was. I haven't seen that many black T-shirts since a Tool concert in 2002, and at least that was good music. All I heard yesterday was 'Enough is Enough' chanted over and over again. I can see what they were going for, kind of like an 'Eggs is eggs!' thing, but it needs to be a little more catchy. Perhaps The Pet Shop Boys could help with the jingle, Holly Johnson could rework the lyric and the Village People could choreograph the march. Imagine.
There's a bit in 'Rattle & Hum' where Bono, in one of his messianic crowd pleasing speeches hisses 'The God I believe in isn't short of cash, mister". It's a great line, and it was swimming around in my head as I watched the legions make their way down the road. But hold on! That's all wrong! Bono? Bono begone! Cash is king in this kingdom, and so are family values. We won't tell you exactly what those values are, or whose family we're talking about, but can't you get it through your thick skulls that this is about family values??? How wrong I have been! And if Bono's got a messiah complex, he sure could learn a lot from the lizard king at the head of the march.
So, from what I could tell, the whole Destiny Church march boiled down to two things: family values and exercise. Exercise? You betcha! As M suggested, ideally you need an offensive sandwich board in each hand to get the full exercise benefit, but if none are to hand, yelling 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!' while stomping your feet on the ground should be the way to go. Either way, you'll have to be fit enough to keep up with your pimp evangelist as you blindly follow him off the cliff like a biblical herd of swine.
Together we will search
All those years, looking
All those years, pointless
Why do I say it was pointless
Looking for it with you
I will give you the reason
My destiny...is you...
- Avril Lavigne
I donned my black T shirt and ran down to Lambton Quay when I heard the news. I couldn't believe it, why had no-one told me that this was happening in Wellington? There was no way I could miss this; Beyonce, Kelly, and that other chick no-one remembers gigging in Wellington! But what a fool I felt when I was confronted by not 6000 swaying R'nB fans but the sight of 6000 losers! I'd been duped! It was the Destiny Church, not Destiny's Child. Goddamn.
Still, I stuck around to see what all the fuss was about, and what a lot of fuss it was. I haven't seen that many black T-shirts since a Tool concert in 2002, and at least that was good music. All I heard yesterday was 'Enough is Enough' chanted over and over again. I can see what they were going for, kind of like an 'Eggs is eggs!' thing, but it needs to be a little more catchy. Perhaps The Pet Shop Boys could help with the jingle, Holly Johnson could rework the lyric and the Village People could choreograph the march. Imagine.
There's a bit in 'Rattle & Hum' where Bono, in one of his messianic crowd pleasing speeches hisses 'The God I believe in isn't short of cash, mister". It's a great line, and it was swimming around in my head as I watched the legions make their way down the road. But hold on! That's all wrong! Bono? Bono begone! Cash is king in this kingdom, and so are family values. We won't tell you exactly what those values are, or whose family we're talking about, but can't you get it through your thick skulls that this is about family values??? How wrong I have been! And if Bono's got a messiah complex, he sure could learn a lot from the lizard king at the head of the march.
So, from what I could tell, the whole Destiny Church march boiled down to two things: family values and exercise. Exercise? You betcha! As M suggested, ideally you need an offensive sandwich board in each hand to get the full exercise benefit, but if none are to hand, yelling 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve!' while stomping your feet on the ground should be the way to go. Either way, you'll have to be fit enough to keep up with your pimp evangelist as you blindly follow him off the cliff like a biblical herd of swine.
